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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Alexandra's LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 29th, 2002
12:32 am
i spoke too soon


You're so pretty!

<a
12:28 am
fuckin right


Take the Which Gunner Are You Quiz at Old Skool GN'R

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Friday, April 26th, 2002
4:27 pm
Do you know anyone by these names?


1. Jack: kid on my hall freshman year, kind of a dork


2. James: my cousin


3. Chris: kid i graduated with who i think would be amazing in bed. last time i saw him was New Years 2001. he gave me a flower cuz it was my birthday

4. Heather: one of the Tex-ass crew!


5. Ryan: girl i graduated with who likes to spell it "Rhyan" to be more feminine

6. Samantha: Laura's best friend, hangs out with us sometimes. really quiet.

7. Beth: girl in my English class. i don't like her.


8. Danny: first real boyfriend

9. Kelly: on my bus in elementary & middle school

10. Stephanie: girl from elementary who moved to missouri. i had to block her, she IMs & calls constantly

11. Michelle: dorkiest girl in my high school

12. Stacey: Kelly's sister

13. Teresa: my cousin had a friend with this name, but i think she spelled it Theresa.


14. Russell: lol. biggest poseur over. always carried a lighter & cigarettes even though he didn't smoke

15. Jacob: first boy i ever slow danced with

16. Phillip: catherine's ex boyfriend, age 37.

17. Jake: one of my best friends. he's in australia right now.

18. Adam: Jen's ex who i think has a crush on me

19. Brian: hottie i constantly made an ass out of myself in front of - i have no shame when it comes to him

20. Nick: blahhhh. i am like 95% over him. i see his name EVERYWHERE though!

21. Tasha: i think a girl in my school was named tasha

22. Sarah: i know a million sarah/sara/sairas. Sarah H comes to mind because i heard she asked about me yesterday.


23. Amanda: my best friend in 8th/9th grade who just got married


24. Richard: my dad's best friend

25. Troy: McClure? heehee

26. Wes: my brother's friend

27. Linda: my mom's friend who she can't stand

28. Brigitte: she was on the debate team

29. Tim: my second cousin. i think he's a firefighter now.


30. Joel: my sister's friend. my friends call him Dildo Vev


31. Elias: nope


32. Brooke: girl I gradauted with, she goes to Ithaca College

33. Sophie: quiet girl who's friend died in a car crash


34. David: my brother

35. John: supervisor at work I used to have a crush on

36: Kevin: boy I had to sit next to in 6th grade math who coughed like he was dying


37. Clay: i think my cousin's have a cousin on their dad's side named clay


38. Judd: from real world san francsico? that guy is a tool


39. Sally: my favorite name when i was little, now i think it's hick


40. Christina: luisa's best friend from home

41. TJ: kid in my english class


42. Tate: not as a first name, my sister went out with a guy named Tim Tate


43. Nikki: i know someone who spells it Nicki

44. Petunia: negative


45. Mandy: yet another person from english class

46. Craig: big obnoxious flamboyantly gay guy who graduated 2 yrs before me (i'm not homophobic, i just can't stand when people can't construct a single sentence without mentioning their orientation)


47. Austin: catherine dated an Austin

49. Taylor: Taylor is in my english class too

50. Adrian: joe perry's son who is in a band with my friend drew!

51. Betsy: brigette's old roommate. brigette hates her.


52. Eric: hottie i took home one night :o)


53. Josh: Deepa's boyfriend

54: Steven: my uncle

55. Ricky: freshman who tried to talk to me at a party last week

Current Mood: dorky
Friday, April 12th, 2002
7:01 pm
The thought of spending long periods of time in my apartment by myself always filled with with apprehension...but I realized that i actually like it! I just always assumed I wouldn't. Having Catherine away for the weekend is nice.

Current Mood: independent
Friday, April 5th, 2002
2:33 am
so i get home from mark's tonight & nick had IMed me! Like a "you there?" type thing. he must have wanted to hook up or something (i hope he didn't just want to tell me he doesn't like me or something) but...what if he wanted to say he was wrong & he missed me & wants to be a real boyfriend? grrrr, i don't know. it's probably a good thing i wasn't home because i probably wouldn't have been able to say no to him & it would have hurt more in the long wrong. but this is pretty bad too because i don't know what he wanted & also, i'll always think, maybe he'll IM, he did before. grrrr, i was doing so well getting over him!

Current Mood: shocked
Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002
11:30 pm
today i only had one class i had to go to. i have not sufficiently tired myself out - lots o' tv today! blahhhhh...
friday my writing teacher is giving a reading at a bookstore & so is his *HOT* friend...i can't wait! i'm gonna get all glammed up. probably nothing will happen, but it's nice to have something to look forward to. i didn't go to the class i have with nick today, which i think is a good thing. i wonder if i've fully accepted that it's over? i'm dealing with it suspiciously well, for me...

ooh, i haven't updated about my friends for awhile, here goes:

*deepa & josh recently said their I Love Yous
*tomorrow is dennis' bday, he is 21, but not looking forward to it because he can't get drunk due to diabetes. sara is going to "try to take his mind off of it" - she borrowed my catholic school girl skirt. hmmm.
*holli has a massive crush on a guy named henry. he has a girlfriend but he said something about that not lasting much longer...
*jon is hooking up with a girl on his trip in brazil with him. she has a boyfriend but she seems pretty obsessive about jonny. holli & i are going to try to get him together with allison when we all live together in boston.
*i emailed abbey today, & told her i was sorry about not being more understanding when she & jon were having trouble, & that i found myself doing the same things in my relationship with nick that she was doing with jon.
*victor broke up with becca (i guess they were going to live together next year??? what???) she is going to romania (where he is from) for the summer, but he won't be there. her & doug are still awfully close.
*jessie gave up drinking, smoking, caffeine...she is thinking about becoming a seik...i wonder if this is a phase...methinks yes.
*catherine & phil are broken up & her & mark basically picked up where they left off...they are officially "just friend" but they sure don't act like it

"If I'm gonna cry I don't need your shoulder" - vixen

Current Mood: bouncy
Monday, April 1st, 2002
6:53 pm
Nick broke up with me (if you can call what we were together enough to warrant the label "break up"). I know it's for the best, he was making me miserable. But now I'm so alone. & I have to give up all those fantasies of him...
I went to Cornell this weekend & had an awesome time with Holli & her friend Allie! I think they are both going to come live with us in Boston after graduation...it feels soooo far away, I have no one at this school to make me happy anymore. And I think I need to take summer courses & be here til July 11th! yuck.
But at least after that I'll be home with Sara & Emily. Holli told me that Dan Fox talks shit about me behind my back, calls me a bitch. i think that's ridiculous because HE was the one who was mean to me after jessie broke up with him, not the other way around...whatever! That whole group of people is just infuriating. Ok, I'm going to go see if Cybill is on...

Current Mood: rejected
Friday, March 29th, 2002
12:20 am
yeah, i was doing all ok about Nick...it's a lot easier when he's not around! he didn't come to class today, & i assumed he'd gone home, so when i saw him online, i felt the need to talk to him...but the stupid IM wasn't working right & i couldn't see the last thing he wrote to me (he didn't seem that into talking to me anyways) so i signed back on & told him that if he wanted to hang out, i have a lot of gin...he went idle though, but later he was signed off...hmmm...i can't tell, i hate the ambiguity of IM!
plus, this whole trying to graduate in may 03 thing is really posing quite a problem, have to go work that out tomorrow - if i have to take summer classes & not be able to work at camp, i will be unbeliably frustrated...
i just vegged tonight, but that's ok i guess - cornell tomorrow! maybe i'll meet a nice SMART boy, that's what i need - though not being local would definitely be a drawback. i think i am getting ahead of myself there, slow down killer!
if anyone is reading this & can recommend a book that reminds them of bridget jones, i would much appreciate it. i am in dire need to a good bridget read, but i've read both of those books so many times...

Current Mood: resigned
Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
1:21 am
wow, i am updating twice within a week! maybe my promise wasn't so empty...anyways...
Saw Nick for the first time today in 19 days. In class. He said "What's up?" like it was fine, we talked, but it was just so anticlimactic. He went to Montreal instead of Jamaica for break. He looked really cute. He said he'd call tonight, but i told him my phone got disconnected (didn't pay the bill) & he said he'd IM but he hasn't been online. oh well - really, i hardly care. so confused - if i like nick so much, why do i feel indifferent right now? but if i don't like him so much, why did i stop hooking up with drew when i saw him in cali (drew was my senior yr of high school friend, on & off hookup, and obsession) but he just wasn't doing it for me - never thought i'd say that about drew! told him it was because i was thinking about nick, which i thought was basically true. maybe not?
nick did look gorgeous today though, i think we look like we make a good couple.
so jonny is staying in brazil for the summer. can't say i'm that surprised. i sent him a care package of jim beam, an axl rose postcard, and doubles of the pix i took when we went to pittsburgh.
catherine broke up with phil! yay!
i might go to cornell this weekend to visit holli. everyone here is going home (i assume nick is, i haven't asked him) but i really have no reason to go home. easter is not very important to me, nor is passover. my sister is thinking about becoming a seik, speaking of religion.
mehhh, i probably have more to say, but i have no motivation to write it...

Current Mood: thoughtful
Thursday, March 21st, 2002
12:52 pm
more empty promises
I'm going to be better about updating this thing, I swear!

I'm in California right now, visiting my sister. We haven't done shit since I got here, which was Saturday. We are supposed to go to San Francisco tonight, but we shall see...

I don't know what to do about Nick. I guess we are broken up. I told him "This isn't going to work" or something to that effect, twice on the phone a week ago Monday, but I hadn't thought anything was finalized. But he did. But now I don't know. I told him to think about what he wants to be over break. He's in Jamaica. I wonder if he's hooking up? I think I want to sleep with him. I wonder if he still wants to be with me.

Depending on how I feel about Nick, I either can't wait for this semester to end or I'm terrified of what will happen when it does. Right now I can't wait for it to end.

I really should be doing work, considering that I haven't done anything since getting here. That's not true. I've read. I'm reading Crime & Punishment now. The cats here are cute.

I'm starting to take on Nick's "blowing people off" attitude. Even though i'm not really busy or anything, I just can't be bothered.

I realized that that critical element that makes me love 80s rock while I am indifferent to the "new" rock of today is arrogance. The boys from the 80s had it, the new rockers do not. It's that simple.

I really want to get blue contacts, but, since I already dye my hair, I feel that going that far would be to deny my ethnicity. I've also thought about dyeing my hair really dark & getting light contacts - I'd definitely look different from my sister then! Regardless, I really ought to go to the eye doctor & get glasses or contacts before I ruin my eyes.

To whoever happens to be reading this: See the movie "Donnie Darko"! You won't regret it.

I identify way too strongly with the various casts of the Real World & Road Rules. Sometimes when I'm drunk I think I'm on the show. But I've been better lately. Really.
Sunday, February 17th, 2002
1:53 pm
I HATE BOYS!!!!!
yeah, i meet like my freakin sole mate. fabulous 2 days together. perfect. i'm so happy. i tell everyone. then, bam, he has no time for me. none. but he still thinks we're fine. i tell him off (dumb) & i bet he never calls again. he's supposed to call tomorrow. i bet he won't. he bet he's given up & doesn't care. so close! fate is so fucking twisted.
Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
12:47 pm
Happy 40th birthday W. Axl Rose!!!!!
Monday, January 7th, 2002
9:14 pm
*went to the cape last night. me, dan, jon, jon w, holli & sara. sara was trashed! actually, most everyone was except for holli because she couldn't drink cuz of painkillers. we were pretty rockstar: jon & sara drank out of huge pyrex measuring glasses, dan had beer in a martini glass & we had to put the (stale) tonic water in a pan because we needed the plastic 1 liter bottle to make a bong...baked out the geo which sara then proceeded to drive into the garage...classic. thank god dennis (her boy) wasn't home when we called him. Dannis is just no substitute. then went to the beach today...of course jon drove his car onto the sand & of course it got stuck. good times.
*going apartment hunting with catherine tomorrow at 8 freakin AM. oh well, it'll be good for me i guess. & i'm not missing too much by having an early night, it's doug's last night so it's bound to be something boring.
*it's starting to hit me that this down time in sharon is going to end pretty soon - deepa, merry, emily & jessie are already back to the real world & everyone else will be soon. this is dan & sara's last week at home. i don't want to move on with my life. well, i do but it can be lonely.
*i need more gel for my ab belt. i haven't used it since friday :o/
*Deepa & Josh are not boyfriend/girlfriend but basically together. i think she's being mature about the whole thing. good deepa.
*I've been having lots of horrible nightmares the past few nights. no good.

Current Mood: tired
Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
2:35 am
BACK IN BLACK
*I am 21.
*November 13, 2001 was the worst day of my life.
*I am going back to school on January 27. another new school. the plan right now is to share an apartment with Catherine, unless she gets back together with Mark and they live together, which was their original plan.
*Jessie leaves for California on Saturday. Deepa & Merry head back to London that same day.
*Sara leaves tomorrow for her nephew's briss. They named the baby Berni Milton Conner!
*Deepa kissed Josh at midnight on New Year's. She probably does not want a relationship with him. Erin and Jackie bought her a vibrator for Christmas and Sara & I bought her batteries for it.
*Yann and Kristen are engaged.
*Jake & Sarah are broken up.
*Jon & Abbey broke up, but hooked up on New Year's about a foot from where I was sleeping. ew!
*Emily cut all her hair off!
*Leana & Jon M. hooked up
*Becca is flying home from Paris to go to a winter ball dance with Victor.
*My brother's girlfriend Mae is coming here tomorrow. I have never met her
*Becca D broke up with Will. Her & Dan hooked up. This is weird. Becca is in Amsterdam.
*I love Simon. Simon loves Loura. This does not work so well. Simon & Loura live in England.
*Abbey is going to Chicago tomorrow. Then she goes to Paris soon. Jon is going to Brazil for the semester. They are awful together.
*Jon & I are taking a roadtrip to Pittsburgh to visit Dan. I am excited.
*Merry may or may not secretly be dating Adam.
*Aliza is going to South Africa for the semester.
*I got 13 GnR videos for Christmas!
*Lindsay, my cousin, is dating Christian. He is 26 and a DJ.
*Holli got her wisdom teeth out today.

Current Mood: energetic
Wednesday, December 5th, 2001
5:48 pm
01. I hurt: myself by not knowing my limitations
02. I love: living in the moment
03. I hate: having my illusions shattered
04. I cry: because it makes me feel alive
05. I fear: what i am capable of
06. I hope: for fame & fortune
07. I sadden: when i compare myself to others
08. I feel alone: when someone i thought i was close to says something that proves just how much they don't get it
09. I kill: in my nightmares
10. I talk: to understand myself
11. I listen: to understand others
12. I break: because the noise of broken glass is just so real
13. I see: how beautiful life is
14. I smell: to remember
15. I taste: because it's addicting
16. I work: to legitimize my existence
17. I remember: when i need to prove myself
18. I hold: back when it really counts
19. I hide: my terrible secrets, some even from myself
20. I pray: that i will live the life i imagine for myself
21. I walk: to be like Axl Rose :)
22. I drive: because i feel so damn cool when i do
23. I read: because it's such good escapism
25. I breathe: & take it for granted
26. I play: with kittens
27. I miss: the 80s
28. I touch: to experience
29. I learn: more about myself all the time
30. I feel: music
31. I know: i am unique
32. I said: things i knew they wanted to hear
33. I dream: of pleasure & pain
34. I have: the best parents
35. I want: a boyfriend who gets me
36. I fall: for bad boys
37. I wait: for the magic moment
38. I need: to fix myself before i can get to that point
39. I live: a strange existence right now
Today: is the last day of my reclusion
Tonight: i will not be tired when i wish i was
Tomorrow: sara comes home!
Now: i don't know what to write
1 minute ago: i did know what to write
1 hour ago: my mom came home
1 day ago: was not very different from today
1 week ago: was not very different from today
1 month ago: i hoped so much for simon
1 year ago: i was probably partying, or thinking about partying
1 lifetime ago: i fear i was a monster
5 minutes ago: working on this thing
5 hours ago: sleeping
5 days ago: glad because i'd actually gone out
5 months ago: apologizing for my drunken behavior & hating myself
5 years ago: in love with danny

Current Mood: contemplative
5:48 pm
01. I hurt: myself by not knowing my limitations
02. I love: living in the moment
03. I hate: having my illusions shattered
04. I cry: because it makes me feel alive
05. I fear: what i am capable of
06. I hope: for fame & fortune
07. I sadden: when i compare myself to others
08. I feel alone: when someone i thought i was close to says something that proves just how much they don't get it
09. I kill: in my nightmares
10. I talk: to understand myself
11. I listen: to understand others
12. I break: because the noise of broken glass is just so real
13. I see: how beautiful life is
14. I smell: to remember
15. I taste: because it's addicting
16. I work: to legitimize my existence
17. I remember: when i need to prove myself
18. I hold: back when it really counts
19. I hide: my terrible secrets, some even from myself
20. I pray: that i will live the life i imagine for myself
21. I walk: to be like Axl Rose :)
22. I drive: because i feel so damn cool when i do
23. I read: because it's such good escapism
25. I breathe: & take it for granted
26. I play: with kittens
27. I miss: the 80s
28. I touch: to experience
29. I learn: more about myself all the time
30. I feel: music
31. I know: i am unique
32. I said: things i knew they wanted to hear
33. I dream: of pleasure & pain
34. I have: the best parents
35. I want: a boyfriend who gets me
36. I fall: for bad boys
37. I wait: for the magic moment
38. I need: to fix myself before i can get to that point
39. I live: a strange existence right now
Today: is the last day of my reclusion
Tonight: i will not be tired when i wish i was
Tomorrow: sara comes home!
Now: i don't know what to write
1 minute ago: i did know what to write
1 hour ago: my mom came home
1 day ago: was not very different from today
1 week ago: was not very different from today
1 month ago: i hoped so much for simon
1 year ago: i was probably partying, or thinking about partying
1 lifetime ago: i fear i was a monster
5 minutes ago: working on this thing
5 hours ago: sleeping
5 days ago: glad because i'd actually gone out
5 months ago: apologizing for my drunken behavior & hating myself
5 years ago: in love with danny

Current Mood: contemplative
Monday, September 10th, 2001
9:46 pm
is there anybody out there?

Current Mood: curious
Tuesday, August 28th, 2001
12:30 am
butts
vh1 seems to be paying some sort of tribute to butts - they just played LLCoolJ's "Big Ole Butt" & now they're playing Fat Bottomed Girls. I find this highly entertaining. I wonder what else they will come up with: most likely that Sir Mixalot song & of course The Thong Song.
Butts are funny. I don't have the good kind, but I guess that's ok. I've always figured I'd rather have nice breasts than a nice ass. Probably because I'm white. I guess guys' butts are cute, but that's definitely not something I look for.

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, August 15th, 2001
11:43 pm
So Dan had this girl Lara over last night who he knew had a thing for him, but if he got some from her it would have been totally a physical thing. Anyway, they got drunk, had a talk about how they wouldn't hook up & then smoked. The next thing he knew, she was like rubbing him, then she was naked, then she was asking where his condoms are. They didn't do anything, but basically spent the night in a sort of stalemate like that, her trying to get him & him just like totally checking out of the situation. We've been gossiping about it all day, I've been telling everyone, but the thing is, I see so much of myself in that poor girl. How often I've done similar things while intoxicated and then been left to offer up some pathetic excuse the next day. Yet I persist in exploiting her misadventure. I wish I could respect her privacy as I wish people would respect mine, but finally seeing it from the other side, i HAVE to make such an effort to not get drunk enough to let these things happen. Please please please let this be the incentive I need to remain at least enough in control of my faculties that I never again resemble Lara.
Misery's such a pretty sounding word. If it had a different meaning I think it would make a nice girl's name.
P.S. If any randoms are reading my journal, I'd love to know - leave a note please!

Current Mood: embarrassed
Monday, August 13th, 2001
5:48 pm
London stuff now delayed indefinitely because of stupid work permit people with their unclear application. sent back to me saying i was ineligible, i called them & we figured out i AM eligible, but now i am set back another week at the very latest because i need stupid paperwork to prove it. i was getting so psyched to go, now i hope that a) i can still go & b) i can go fairly soon.
i'm reading this book called Motherless Brooklyn, & the main character has tourettte's. his thought patterns remind me of mine when i am caught somewhere between awake & asleep - total word salad. anyway, good book, i recommend it. my dad always picks out good books :)

Current Mood: irate
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